The Last Night
by willowwand62442
Summary: As they draw closer to District 12 after the Victory Tour, Peeta struggles with his fears of the past, present, and future.     Catching Fire missing moment.


**The Last Night  
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Almost the moment he steps through the door of his room, Peeta strips off the suit he wore to the party, wanting to be rid of everything to do with the Capitol. He rummages in a drawer and finds his pajamas. After pulling them on, he balls up the suit and throws it across the room. He wishes he could burn it to ash, but then he imagines the smoke curling in his lungs, choking him, and he shudders in revulsion. For now, this will have to do.

He doesn't know what set him over the edge tonight. The decadence the people in the Capitol indulge in on a daily basis had come as a bit of a shock to him. Everyone knows that the people in the Capitol don't face the same hardships as those in the districts, that much has always been clear. To have seen it with his own eyes, however, is more than he can bear. He thinks of the children he sees every day in District 12, downtrodden, weak with hunger. He's stood witness to the hunger, the illness, the suffering that stretches out across the districts of Panem. But the people at the Capitol have enough food to waste.

Peeta is seething with rage, yet he can't shake the overwhelming guilt he feels for playing even a small part of this. He tells himself that everything he's done since the moment his name was drawn at the reaping has been to keep Katniss safe and to keep their families and friends alive. He's played his part, played the Capitol's games. He has smiled and joked; he has been engaging and winsome. But now he's beginning to think that he has done more harm than good by putting a pleasant face forward, by allowing the Capitol to cover up their struggles in District 12.

The people in the Capitol have no idea about the kind of suffering that occurs in the twelve districts. Year after year they watch the Hunger Games and cheer on the carnage. He wonders how long it took them to become desensitized to this kind of violence. How long did it take before they began to find the torture of children entertaining? Was it always this way or did this ability develop over time? He wonders how long it would have taken him to lose his humanity if he'd stayed in the Capitol any longer and feels relieved that they're on their way back home to District 12. After the Harvest Festival, the Victory Tour will be complete and they will be free to go back to their lives until the next games.

But even that worries him. Once the cameras leave, where will it leave him and Katniss? Will they go back to what they were before? Barely speaking, not even friends. Would she return to Gale? The thought makes Peeta break out in a cold sweat. He won't sleep tonight, not knowing that tomorrow she might be gone. He feels like a caged animal, pacing around in his little room, and so he ventures out, as he does every night, to wander aimlessly around the train.

As he steps out into the corridor, he already feels calmer. The train is quiet. Everyone else has gone to bed, and he's grateful for it since there's no one around to tell him to go back to his room or give him disapproving looks. He keeps his ear trained toward Katniss's room, as he does every night.

He can't seem to keep his thoughts away from her or how beautiful she looked at the banquet. There had been a clear change in her demeanor tonight. She seemed more relaxed, less strained. Peeta can't understand why. He thinks perhaps it's because they're going home. The thought sinks heavily into the pit of his stomach.

Minutes pass, and Peeta notices that he's passed her room at least a dozen times without hearing a single sound from within. The silence is unnerving. Katniss typically has several nightmares a night, so it's unusual that she hasn't had one by now. He thinks of his careless remark earlier at the banquet, that maybe they were wrong to help suppress the tension in the districts. At the time, he didn't think anyone had heard him, but what if someone did? They will harm his loved ones first. He is sure of that. Suddenly gripped with panic, he turns the knob and carefully pushes Katniss's door open.

The light from the corridor slices through the darkened room, illuminating one side of Katniss's face. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees she is sleeping peacefully. He enters slowly, closing the door behind him. Now the room is nearly dark once again with only the moonlight filtering in through the gauzy material of the curtains. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust; then he steps toward her.

He's struck at how different she looks tonight. She almost looks happy. For one heartbreaking moment, he feels as though he's intruding, but he has lingered too long and now he can't bring himself to leave. Peeta hesitates for a fraction of a second before pulling back the covers and climbing underneath. She shifts in her sleep, a slight smile on her face, as she curls toward him. He gathers her against his chest, reassured by the soft warmth of her body, the scent of her hair.

Peeta knows that his reasons for appearing at her door every night haven't been selfless. He likes being the one to soothe her, but he can't deny that he needs her just as badly. He isn't strong enough to bear the nightmares alone. Losing her would be the end of him.

He brushes back strands of dark hair from her face, his fingertips grazing her soft cheek. His lips brush her forehead tenderly. These moments are his. When they're back home, these are the moments he'll think about before he falls asleep, the way it felt to hold her in his arms, to smell the sweetness of her hair, the flutter of her breath against his skin.

He wishes the train ride would never end.


End file.
